Love In Pain Essay
Love Is Pain
When something goes away everything around you doesn't matter anymore. You don't care about anything. Everything around you is black and white. You're sitting in the corner of the dark room, full of memories about him. Memories that make you sad and make you want to cry. You think : "Here came the day that you have expected to come, the day of suffering, of pain and tears had come." And it seems that life ends for you in this very day. He is away and you do not know if he is ever going to come back. You don't know if he is going to look at you with his beautiful brown eyes, to hold you with his strong arms, to kiss you with his juicy lips. You look at one point and ask yourself what are you going to do from now on. Should you go on and fight with life or put an end of everything? You start losing the thread slowly.
Are you suffering as much as I do? I don't know, but I want to see you, to hug you, to hold you in my arms, to feel that you are near me and never let you go. Why does it hurt so much? Every time I think about us, those days when we were together appear in my mind. They might not be so much but they meant something for me!
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There’s a difference between the definition of happiness and the definition of joy. It’s valuable to be aware of this because when things get tough, logic might want you to default to despair, or utter sadness or worse, you might think you have to choose between hardship and joy, or support and separation, or light and dark.
Consciousness is not an either/or equation. It’s about bothness.
The capacity to expand into bothness — the awareness of your joy in all circumstances — is so much of what it means to evolve.
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, wracked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
– Agatha Christie
Happiness is always passing through. It can claim your full attention for the ten seconds it takes to swallow a sip of incredible coffee. Or it can stream through your being for weeks on end. But happiness can’t hold the same space as sadness, or anger, or the range of so-called “negative” emotions for very long. This is why it’s transitory.It’s the stuff of your essence. And since you, your Soul, can never be annihilated (yes, that would make you eternal and omnipresent), your access to joy never vanishes. Because joy is so foundational to your true being, every other state or emotion can rest on top of joy, it can accommodate everything.
This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that.
You can get fired, dumped, dumped on, and pulled through the eye of a needle, and still feel held by the container of joy — the truth of your existence.
When you arrive at this awareness (you’ll likely have to go through the wringer to get there), your logical mind is going to be confused.
“I’m going through hell. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me…so what’s this mighty warmth I feel within? I must be losing it. I must be in denial. I should get back to misery.”
Stay with the misery. Stay with the mighty warmth emanating from within.
“I’m aching over this loss, so can this aching gratitude in my core be real? Am I betraying my memories? Am I denying my pain?”
Not at all. You’re expanding.
When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior.
It has never failed that when I have been through the most heart-breaking passages of my life — betrayal, financial hardship, divorce, dreams dashed — the pain brought me to the floor of my being, and what was there to be found?
The simple joy of being alive. So cosmically basic it’s mind-blowing: the joy to be here, connected, animated, breathing, blessed, resilient, to be broken, to be open, to have what was, what’s left, what’s coming. The joy just to be part of reality.
Happiness. Love it when it comes.
Joy. It’s the love that lasts no matter what.
Please encourage someone to lean into their joy xo
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Photo credit: Catherine Just